There is so much talk about menopause and what it does to our bodies. We know about hot flushes, sleepless nights, changing weight, brain fog, anxiety, aching joints and hormones that are all over the place, or not at all. But what happens afterwards, when the worst of the upheaval may have passed and we realise that we are entering uncharted territory.
We have changed.
For most of our adult lives, we have known who we are through the lives we have built. We have worked, raised families, created businesses and careers, cared for people, managed homes, relationships and responsibilities, and along the way we have become extraordinarily capable. There is pride in that capability, I know there is for me. Being able to cope, solve problems and get things done has always been an important part of who I am.
Then menopause comes along and many of the things that once defined us begin to feel different. The roles may still be there, the work may still matter and the people we love still need us, yet these things no longer seem to fit with who we are becoming.
I have spent more than thirty-five years working with women as an aromatherapist, teacher and guide, and I thought I understood women pretty well. Then I went through menopause myself.
Alongside the physical and emotional changes came unexpected questions and emotional upheavals. I began looking at my life differently; the identities I had built, the things I had believed about myself and the expectations I had carried. I started wondering which parts of my life still belonged to me, and what I wanted to take with me into the next part.
I just had one question:
And now what?
It is a question I think many of us reach after menopause. We might have another thirty or forty years ahead of us, maybe more, and suddenly the silence about those years is massive. Society doesn’t seem to care what happens once menopause is over. It is as if we drop off the face of the earth when we hit our 50s and 60s.
I believe that one of the great opportunities of post menopause is the space to see what we have accomplished over a lifetime. The space to take our health and wellbeing seriously, to understand what our changing bodies need and to care for ourselves. Space to reconsider work, relationships, creativity, sexuality, purpose and the way we want to spend our time. And there is space to hear ourselves more clearly.
This is where my idea of the Inner Queendom comes from.
The Inner Queendom is the place within us where our experience, self-knowledge and wisdom become authority. After decades of experience, we have accumulated knowledge, strength and an understanding of ourselves that can shape how we live, work, create, lead and contribute. What we do with that is ours to decide.
For me, life after menopause has become less about figuring out who I am and more about self-discovery.
This is what I explore here at HERA.
I write about health and wellbeing after menopause, aromatherapy and the practical support essential oils can offer us, as well as identity, purpose, ageing, women’s history, mythology, wisdom and the exciting experience of discovering who we are when old definitions fall away.
We have spent decades becoming experienced, capable women. We know and understand more. We have lived enough to recognise what matters to us and what doesn’t.
When a woman begins living from her own wisdom and authority, the effects extend beyond her own life.
Maybe the most interesting question about life after menopause is not about how we are going to get through it but what we are going to do now. We have experience, knowledge and wisdom that could only have been earned by living.
And now what?
If your own answer to “And now what?” isn't clear yet, this is exactly the kind of work I do privately with women after menopause.
I write all about it. It really helps!